By Lauren Trevor
Recently, a dark secret has been discovered about certain staff members of Lloyd Memorial. Have you ever wondered why Mrs. Brady assigns so many essays? Well I did too, and after multiple stack-outs and sleepless nights, I’ve finally managed to uncover the truth. To put it simply, it is a mere distraction. Who can focus on anything else when they stay up slaving over a keyboard for hours writing essays? After tiring her students with her knowledge of literature and mounds of essays and book assignments, she has managed to keep this dark secret for years, and surprisingly none of the Tatler staff has managed to see such an obvious truth about our coordinator.
On numerous occasions, when the Talter is full and ready for circulation, Mrs. Brady mysteriously disappears for undefined amounts of time, which is one of the reasons she does not sell the newspaper with the staff. Last week I managed to tail her as she rushed to the art room. Peeking around the door frame, I caught a glimpse of a terrifyingly, unexpected sight. A brown-furred creature with long sharp teeth and piercing black eyes. In fear I rushed back to the Tatler HQ. My colleagues were still out selling as I jotted down my findings.
We have reason to believe Ms. Vogelpohl is an accomplice and fellow ‘were-creature’ as she has often been M.I.A. on certain occasions. It is supposed that during these occasions she transforms into a cat, explaining her numerous depictions of felines about the art room walls.
Research is still currently being conducted however, I must end now for I hear the clicking of gopher claws and faint meows in the distance. If something happens to me before I finish, anyone who finds this must…
The rest of the article was unfortunately assumed to be lost in publication. We apologize for the inconvenience!
–Tatler Staff
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