By: Andrew "Bigfoot" Stookey
We all know the tall and blonde Ms. Ludwig. If you’ve ever had AP Literature, you know how devilish she can be, despite her cheery attitude. She’s one of the greatest English teachers in Lloyd, possibly the world. But everybody has secrets, and Ludwig has the most horrifying of them all.
Well, today I got to have a private talk with Ludwig herself, and I discovered a few things that have never been revealed to the public about her, things that should never be known.
Let’s just get one thing out of the way before I start. Her name isn’t Ludwig. She was born Erika Blüdwig, raised in a small Transylvanian town by her vampire aunt and uncle. “Ludwig”, as we shall call her, is only half vampire, but it explains so much.
Ludwig, as we all know, has a stone cold heart. Turns out she literally does. Rock solid. Her care for anything not related to English is below zero. She also doesn’t sparkle in the sunlight, and hates it when she’s compared to Twilight, so never mention those novels or films to her.
She also has a vampire’s appetite. As I walked into her room during lunch, I noticed a jar of red objects: baby hearts, pulled straight from her victims during her nightly rampages. One thing she doesn’t eat, though, is garlic.
“I don’t eat garlic,” she says “but only because it makes my breath stink.” Ludwig threatened me to assure you that she always has perfect smelling breath.
It can be hard for her, though. Every morning is a struggle for her, since she can’t see herself in the mirror. That explains her messy hair every once in a while. Sometimes, you’ve just got to feel sorry for her, despite the fact that she is a half-blood sucking vampire.
“Sometimes you don’t choose the vampire life, the vampire life chooses you,” Ludwig said, right before kicking me out before I could find out more. (She’s not a real blonde!)
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