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| theindiepedant.com |
Humans have
spent heaps of time and kilowatts of brainpower in giving a name to the Great
End of everything that is known: Armageddon, the Apocalypse, Judgment Day, the
Rapture, the Big Crunch, Doomsday, Tax Day, and Thanksgiving (turkeys only).
What most don’t realize today is that an end-of-the-world hysteria clutches the
world every ten to twelve years—and obviously, for this cycle to be noticeable,
these panics have to be false. Harold Camping, a California radio-preacher with a devoted
following, predicted the world would end in 1988, 1994, May 2011 and, finally,
October 2011. The only disaster that happened was that Camping had a stroke
last June, which probably led to his prediction for October.
I am a skeptic myself as to whether
anyone can know when the world will end, and would be perfectly happy to live
and let live if the antics of some Doomsday believers weren’t so troubling. A
man in New York City
spent his entire life savings of $140,000 on advertisements for Camping’s May
2011 prophecy. Online “survivor” stores are selling Armageddon gear and
solar-powered hippie-ovens like the proverbial hotcakes. A reality show called Doomsday Preppers now documents the
lives of these believers on the National Geographic Channel. Most of the frenzy
is based around the Mayan Prophecy for December 2012, when the ancient calendar
cuts off. Despite much mockery of the prediction, millions are still troubled,
and even suicidal, over the upcoming date. I have to ask, though: do any of
these 2012-believers take other Mayan customs seriously? Do they think they can
cause rain by offering up a jaguar’s heart on an altar, or keep the sun in the
sky by sacrificing humans to a hungry idol? If they don’t, they need to
question their beliefs; if they do, they need to be arrested, for cripes’ sakes.
While I don’t trust the Mayan panic,
I do have a few suggestions for more practical reasons that the world will end.
Just to be fair and balanced, I included a few reasons it won’t.
Why We Will All Face Death in the Coming
Year:
—Kim Kardashian
and her 72-day husband start a reality show about their divorce trial.
—Either Mitt
Romney, Rick Santorum, or Newt Gingrich has oozed his way into the President’s
chair.
—Lions Gate
Entertainment announces they are cancelling all sequels to The Hunger Games movie because they made enough money off the first
one.
—Lloyd’s 2012
seniors pick “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey as their class song.
Why the End-of-the-World Talk is All a
Bunch of Woo-Woo:
—The Mayans
couldn’t even see their own end coming. What makes you think they could see
ours?
—Jersey Shore
—Anchorman 2 starring Will Ferrell hasn’t
come out yet. (Oh, wait—that might be a good reason for the world to end. Let’s
go, Mayans.)
